Are You Mad at Me? by Meg Josphson, LCSW

"Josephson is here to show you that people-pleasing is not a personality trait. It's a common survival mechanism known as 'fawning'-- an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives. [This book] weaves Josephson's own moving story with that of ... client stories and ... exercises to show you how to identify all the roles you might play--from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon--that keep you far from yourself; stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they're unpleasant; rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection; practice 'leaning back' in relationships; recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it's not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns; shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you're used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you--but brings you joy"